Guy Talk Girl Talk Fusion
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: Following Guy Talk and Girl Talk is this! Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Neji, Lee, Ino, Ten Ten, Shikamaru, Temari, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, Hinata and Gaara are hanging out in the forest. Chaos and stupidity. Demented crack!
1. Chapter 1

**Guy Talk Girl Talk Fusion**

**A/N First there was the much liked Guy Talk, followed by a Notorious Girl Talk…Pepsi Dragon now brings you a funny fusion of both. Prepare to laugh your asses off! **

**Disclaimer: Duh…I do not own and will never own Naruto and obviously I make no profit from this, but in fact quite the opposite, because the Internet cost me money! Grr…**

**Any way, I hope you'll enjoy!

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Every young ninja was in the forest chilling out for the special Konoha day of the year, a bank holiday where they didn't have to train or carry out any missions. The young ninjas were sprawled out on the grass, surrounded by lush summer tress and some sitting on picnic cloths munching sandwiches.

Amongst these people of course was Naruto whom at that moment tried very hard to get Sakura's attention.

"Sakura-chan!" He chimed, "Do you want a sandwich? There's this really cool paste in it that makes it taste like ramen!"

But Sakura, plus Ino beside her, were too engrossed in observing Sasuke, whom sat under a tree in the cool shade, with his eyes closed…relaxed.

"Look at the way Sasuke's hair blows gently in the summer breeze!" Sakura gasped with hearts in her eyes.

"Oh…and the way that his chest rises and falls as he naps! So Kawaii!" Ino squealed.

Naruto frowned and tried again, "Sakura-chan! Look! Look! Try this sandwich, I made it!"

And then he shoved it under her nose, which surprised her and made her very angry. Ino just laughed as some of the grey paste inside Naruto's sandwich came away and stuck to Sakura's face.

"EW! NARUTO!" Sakura shrieked, pushing Naruto's hand away and wiping off the horrid funny smelling grey substance.

Naruto frowned harder, deeply upset, but then he quickly perked up again and moved it towards her face once more, "Come on Sakura, please! Once you try it…you'll love it!"

This time Sakura smacked Naruto's hand furiously and the sandwich flew into the air.

"Gah!" Sasuke cried out as it hit him in the face, "What the hell is this!"

Naruto pulled a face, "Eugh, Sasuke teme…no one will want to eat that sandwich now that it's touched you …what a waste!"

Sasuke peeled it off his face and stared at it in annoyance, he then cautiously sniffed it, "What the hell is it?"

"Don't eat it Sasuke-kun!" Sakura warned, "Naruto made it!"

"Yeah Sasuke, it might poison you!" Ino said quickly.

Naruto folded his arms and he narrowed his eyes at Sasuke, "Sasuke's such a wimp, he'd never eat it anyway, he's scared it'll taste too good."

Sasuke sat up and glared at Naruto challengingly, "Really Naruto dobe?"

Then Sakura and Ino gasped in unison as their lovely Uchiha opened his mouth and took a giant chunk out of the sandwich and chewed it thoughtfully.

"Oh no Sasuke!" Sakura cried, "No! Don't die Sasuke!"

Ino rushed forwards and smacked Sasuke on the back, "Don't swallow it Sasuke!"

Sasuke choked as Ino smacked him on the back and then he gagged like a maniac, his eyes going wide and he dropped the remainder of the sandwich onto the grass. Sakura and Ino watched anxiously as Sasuke then began twitching in an odd manner, as if someone had electrocuted him.

"FUCKING HELL!" Sasuke gasped his eyes watering and his face going red, "What did you put in this!"

Naruto scratched his head uncaringly, "Ramen paste…extra special spicy wasabi flavour."

"WASABI!" Ino and Sakura gasped, "That's the hottest thing ever! You nearly killed Sasuke! Grrr…"

Sasuke coughed out any remainder of the horrid stuff whilst his fangirls loomed over Naruto menacingly, "Na-ru-to!"

"Hey…" Naruto mumbled nervously, "Sasuke ate that himself…I didn't…I didn't…"

KABOOM! BONK! SMACK!

Naruto fell sideways with a couple of sore lumps coming out from his head. The girls dusted of their hands and returned their attention to Sasuke, who had seized a bottle of water and was drinking it rather desperately to soothe his burning mouth and throat.

"Um…okay…" Temari said quietly as she walked past the crime scene and made her way towards Shikamaru, whom was slumped under another tree, beside his best friend Chouji.

"Hey Shika-kun." Temari shouted into his ear, making him turn and glare at her, his eyebrow twitching slightly, "Do you want anything from my picnic basket?"

Shikamaru glanced at Chouji who stuffed several crisps into his mouth and shrugged, "Uh…no thanks."

"I guarantee you'll like!" Temari said convincingly.

"Whatever, troublesome." He mumbled as a reply.

Temari walked over to the picnic cloth where Hinata and Ten Ten sat talking about best ways to make rice balls and she dug her hand into a picnic basket.

Ten Ten looked up, "You're doing that now?"

Temari grinned, "Yeah."

When Temari was out of hearing distance Hinata asked Ten Ten what Temari was up too and Ten Ten smiled, "You'll see."

"Here you go Shika-kun!" Temari said sitting on the other side of Shikamaru, whom eyed the item in her hand cautiously.

"A cake?" Chouji piped up, leaning over to get a better look.

Temari pulled the small cream cake, with it's lovely chocolate strawberry top away, "It's just for Shikamaru only."

Of course Shikamaru was suspicious, "What did you do to it?"

Temari looked shock, "It's just a cake…but I baked it especially for you, don't you like it?"

Shikamaru felt the small plate being shoved into his hands, "…"

Temari handed him a spoon, "Come on, I spent ages making sure I'd got the recipe right."

The boy who found most things troublesome scooped an edge off the cake and he put it in his mouth, Temari watching with great excitement and Chouji perhaps watching with his mouth watering in jealousy.

"Well?" Temari asked eagerly.

Shikamaru chewed, blinked and swallowed, the cake tasted nice and sweet, with a hint of strawberry and chocolate, but also vanilla. He smiled and took another spoonful, swirling the yummy stuff around in his mouth.

"Yeah, it's delicious. Thanks Temari." Shikamaru mumbled as he began to devour the rest of the cake.

Meanwhile Neji whom had been bird watching up a tree, whilst Shino searched for bugs in the tree next to it gasped. A flock of birds were heading their way.

"Hinata!" He shouted, "Cover the food!"

Everyone who was conscious and paying attention looked at him. The flock of birds loomed closer, their little birdie _Baka, baka, baka…_ clear in the air.

"What the?" Naruto grumbled as he finally regained consciousness and looked up to see what everyone else was suddenly in a panic about.

"OH NO!" Sakura and Ino screamed, pulling a picnic cloth over their heads, as did many of the other girls.

"Shit! Don't you freaking dare!" Kiba growled diving into a bush with Akamaru.

"Don't worry Shika-kun…" Temari whispered bringing out her giant fan, "I'll protect you."

"What is everyone freaking about?" Naruto asked exasperatedly as even Sasuke looked a little on edge.

Suddenly the birds were directly overhead all of them and they let loose. Fat white plops of bird shit fell over them all like heavy marinated rain and Naruto shrieked in a most horrified and upset way as some of it fell in his eye and dribbled up his nose.

"FUCKING ITAIIII!" Naruto yelled in anguish, shaking his head and rubbing trying to wipe the awful stuff off his face.

Sasuke stealthily dodged any little presents falling from the sky and Temari flicked her wrists, waving her fan so that a lot of the little flying demons flew to the sides, off course and perhaps unintentionally towards Naruto instead. A moment later all the birds passed and the girls crawled out from under the picnic cloth.

"Ew…" Sakura moaned, "Naruto looks like a bird poo monster…"

"Itai!" Naruto wailed, seizing the picnic cloth and still trying, but failing to completely clean himself up.

"Dobe." Sasuke smirked, glad that he was genius and able to avoid all bird turds falling from the sky.

"Hinata…they're gone." Neji said relieved, as she peered out from under her picnic cloth.

"Wow…" Chouji muttered breathlessly, "Nice going Temari."

Temari put her fan down, "Anything for my Shika-kun."

Shikamaru grinned, perhaps having Temari as a friend would not always be troublesome, he thought cheerily to himself.

"OH MY GOD!" Ino gasped, "Sasuke, they got you too!"

"What!" Sasuke said looking himself over.

"OH NO!" Sakura cried, "Sasuke! Your back!"

Sasuke looked behind himself and he frowned the most embarrassed and irritated frown he'd ever frowned, "_Damn those little bastards_."

Naruto opened his eyes and he looked deeply sad, "Why didn't anyone warn me!"

Hinata looked at him pitifully, "Oh Naruto-kun…"

"Who cares!" Ino snapped, "Look at Sasuke! His favourite navy blue shirt has horrid doo doo on it!"

Kiba broke out laughing, as did Temari and a few others. Hinata reached into her pocket and she found a couple of wet wipes, her mother had warmed her that they might come in handy. She gave them to Naruto and he beamed as if she'd just rescued him from hell.

"Hinata-chan! THANK YOU!" He squealed, wiping his face and every other contaminated area frantically, the lemon zest stinging his eyes, but he didn't care.

"Oh Sasuke…" Sakura and Ino mumbled sadly, about to offer him tissues and whatnot, when he stormed past them and towards the river nearby.

Neji grinned from the tree, "I knew you were gonna get shit on, it was fate…"

Sasuke glared into the tree, a vein steadily making itself know on Sasuke's forehead, "_What did you say?_"

"You were destined to be shit on." Neji sniggered.

Shino watched as Sasuke clenched his fist and then hopped onto the same branch that Neji was sitting on. The two boys stared at each other viciously for a moment and then Sasuke swung a punch at Neji's face. Neji leapt from the tree and laughed.

"I predicted that move too, Uchiha." He said airily.

Naruto screamed over from where he stood still clutching all his precious wet wipes, "Well you could've warned me!"

Lee looked at the boys worriedly, "Don't fight! That isn't the spirit of youth!"

Sasuke leapt down and attempted to kick Neji, whilst he skidded backwards and dodged and blocked several other attacks.

"N-Neji…" Hinata gasped worriedly for her cousin.

"Go Sasuke!" His fan girls cooed excitedly.

Neji threw a fist forwards but Sasuke moved on time and finally managed to land a blow.

"Bastard." Neji muttered, his hand flying to his stomach, feeling all the wind knocked out of him.

"Heh, you didn't predict that did you?" Sasuke smirked, turning towards the river.

Suddenly Hinata ran in front of Sasuke. Sasuke stopped and looked at her, forty percent irritated, fifty percent confused and ten percent realising that he needed to pee.

"Hinata," He grumbled impatiently, "Move to the side will you."

Hinata nodded, but as Sasuke moved forwards to get past her, the strangest thing happened. Naruto scratched his head…Hinata was standing right next to him, still offering wet wipes…so how was she able to be over there with Sasuke?

"Huh?" Naruto said looking from one Hinata to the other, "How?"

"HOLY FUCK!" Sasuke gasped, keeling over as a foot sank into his groin, with a most mighty force.

The Hinata in front of him poofed back into Neji and he grinned, "Heh, bet you didn't see that one coming."

"Un…ahhhh…" Sasuke mumbled cringing painfully, as Neji smirked triumphantly and leapt back into his tree.

"My bugs said they can't believe you feel for that." Shino muttered quietly.

"OH SASUKE!" His fan girl's cried in alarm their footsteps rapidly approaching making him wince.

"Leave me alone please." Sasuke grumbled standing up and staggering his way towards the river, he figured he should check if he could still pee after that.

"Hahahaha!" Naruto laughed, "Sasuke teme soooo deserved that!"

Hinata smiled at Naruto cheering up, "Naruto-kun…"

"Hey Hinata, no one else wanted to each my sandwiches, but do you wanna try some?"

Hinata smiled sheepishly, "O-Of course Naruto-kun."

Naruto handed her a sandwich and she put it to her lips, Naruto watching happily, until her face turned red, eyes blanked out and steam began bellowing out of her little ears.

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto said panicking as he found a bottle of water and began pouring it down her throat worriedly.

"My, my…those two are cute…but are so not going about it the right way." Temari sniggered.

Shikamaru had finished his cake contently, "What are you on about troublesome woman?"

"I mean…love…" Temari whispered mysteriously, making Shikamaru shiver.

Chouji finally realised what Temari wanted and he mumbled an excuse to get away, "Um, uh…I'm just gonna go get some more food."

"Love?" Shikamaru repeated yawning, "That's the most troublesome thing ever, my Dad says so."

Temari leaned across Shikamaru, making him back up into the tree awkwardly, his brain rapidly ticking wondering how to get out of this situation.

But too late! The kunoichi from the sand pressed her lips onto his.

"Troublesome." He grumbled embarrassedly against her lips and yet he didn't make much of an effort to move away.

"Oh Hinata!" Naruto cried out, "I'm so sorry! Are you alright now?"

Hinata coughed and managed to croak, "F-Fine Naruto-kun."

Ten Ten flicked a piece of food at Lee boredly, "Aww…Lee, look Temari's having fun and Hinata's…well, I'm sure deep down she's having fun too and I'm sooo bored!"

Lee glanced at the couple making out, Hinata fainting in Naruto's arms, and he scratched his head, "Well maybe we could get everyone who's not really doing anything round and play a fun youthful game?"

Ten Ten grinned devilishly, "YEAH! We could play something like twenty one dares, or spin the bottle!"

Lee blinked, "Uh…I guess so…"

Meanwhile Sasuke had been down by the river, he'd taken his top off and had washed the bird poop off and now was peeing against a tree, greatly relieved Neji had not done too much damage, but swearing to himself that he'd get him back for the humiliation anyway.

"Bastard." He mustered under his breath as he pulled his pants back up and then went to wash his hands.

Out of the shadows on the other side of the river, Gaara showed up with blood on his hands, just as Ten Ten began announcing, "Everyone! Come here! We're gonna play spin the bottle!"

Sasuke straightened up tensely and glared across the water, fearing that they were all in deep shit.

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**A/N Okay the story comes to an end! Unlike Guy Talk and Girl Talk which I have left as One Shots for now, I think this fic will have two parts!**

**Now, if you have read this fic and enjoyed it please review and tell me so. Then I can work on the second part and know what kind of stuff you especially like. Please review if you've read…I see…dead people…joking! I see fanfics with tons of reviews and just once I'd like to have a ton too…**

**Anyway, thanks for reading! I will update soon…**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Guy Talk Girl Talk Fusion**

**A/N First there was the much liked Guy Talk, followed by a Notorious Girl Talk…Pepsi Dragon now brings you a funny fusion of both. Prepare to laugh your asses off!**

**Second part up.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…how sad…**

**Have fun reading!**

Gaara crossed the river, licking the glimmering blood off his hands, savouring the flavour as if it were some sort of sweet syrup.

"Sorry I'm late." Gaara mumbled.

Sasuke grimaced and he straightened up and coughed, "Hn. Gaara…why are you covered in blood?"

Gaara, stopped licking, his tongue glued to his blood covered skin. He drew his tongue back in slowly and stared at the Uchiha. Then he climbed out of the river, his bottom half soaked and he cocked his head to one side.

"Blood? No, an ice-cream truck blew up, this is strawberry syrup."

Sasuke shrugged and made his way back to the others.

"I'm wet…" Gaara mumbled from behind.

Sasuke turned irritably, surveying Gaara's pants sagging with river water, "Well…you did just cross the river."

"I did?" Gaara muttered quietly.

Sasuke sweat dropped and went up to the others where everyone was now seated in a large circle, preparing to play some sort of stupid game. Sakura and Ino waved over to him, fighting for him to sit next to them. Instead Sasuke ignored them both and sat in between Naruto and Lee. Gaara for some strange reason followed Sasuke and sat in between him and Naruto.

"Gaara." Temari gasped, "Why are you covered in blood?"

"It's strawberry syrup." Gaara mumbled, licking his hand again, lick a cat does his paw.

Neji stared at Gaara for a moment and then he smiled, "Gaara san…I predict that one of the women in this circle will be your future bride."

Everyone looked at Neji in shock, especially the girls. Gaara slipped his tongue over his hand and sucked on the red substance on his thumb. "Really?"

"Ew…I'd rather marry Sasuke." Sakura whispered.

"Obviously." Ino agreed.

"Anyway…" Ten Ten started, "Weren't we supposed to be playing spin the bottle?"

"Where's the bottle?" Naruto said excitedly, then paused and scrunched his eyes up in confusion, "Wait…how do we play?"

He turned to Hinata who sat on his other side, but she just blushed and poked her two fingers together and began a murmured explanation that Naruto couldn't hear.

"Eh?" Naruto said loudly, "What? You what? You…spin the bottle…and then…whoever it lands on…you kiss them…"

Hinata nodded sheepishly.

"Oh…" Naruto murmured thoughtfully, but them he stood, "WHAT! KISS! But w-what if it lands on…"

Naruto glanced at Sakura, she glared angrily as if saying "In your dreams!" and he turned away with a blush.

His gaze uncontrollably slid over to Sasuke and their eyes locked for a moment. A small mental image slid into view in both their minds…Uzumaki and Uchiha, leaning close to each other…lips parting with a sharp intake of breath…warm tongues gliding out…

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" Naruto screamed, clutching his head and falling to his knees, "GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Sasuke tried to remain stoic as usual, but then the image flashed back into his head and he frowned, biting on his tongue as if imaginary Uzumaki and Uchiha kiss had really happened.

"MY HEAD! GET IT OUT!" Naruto yelled, shaking his head.

Everyone else shrugged. Gaara didn't even notice, he was still quietly sucking on his thumb.

"Okay…" Ten Ten spoke up again, "Anyone got a bottle?"

Lee dashed over to the picnic baskets but them returned in dismay, "All the drinks are little square cartons…"

"Just great…" Kiba sighed, his little pervert mind disappointed that he might not be able to snog a girl.

Akamaru barked cheerily and patted the kunai in his pocket. Kiba's eyes widened and he took out the kunai, brandishing it with pride.

"We can use this!" Kiba said placing it in the centre, "And since it's my idea…I get to spin first…hehe…"

He spun it and sat back down. It slowed and landed…pointing in between Gaara and Sasuke. Sasuke mentally winced in shock…a boy couldn't kiss a boy…

"OMG!" Kiba growled in disgust, "I ain't frenching neither of you!"

Temari laughed, "It's the rules…Although I'm not keen watching you snog my little bro, I wouldn't mind some KibaSasu!"

Ten Ten clapped in agreement, "Kiss Him! Kiss Him!" She began to chant.

Lee squirmed in his little patch of grass, wondering what he would do if the kunai forced him to kiss a boy…he thought about the values Gai sensei had taught him…he thought about the germs…the risks...

"Kiss…" Gaara finally mumbled, as Ten Ten stopped chanting, "Who..?"

"Uh…me…" Kiba muttered in disgust, "The kunai's pointing in between you and Sasuke."

Gaara blinked innocently, "I've never kissed anyone before…"

"Just kiss Sasuke already!" Temari growled at Kiba, growing impatient that it was taking so long."

Sasuke stiffened up, "Hn. I'm not kissing anyone."

"Rules are rules!" Ten Ten argued, "Just get it over with so we can freaking play! I'm itching for action maaan!"

Suddenly something strange happened. Kiba was shaking his head, Sasuke was "Hn"-ing and Gaara merely blinked. Two bodies shot through the air and collided with harsh impact at the mouth.

"MMMmmMMM!" Kiba growled angrily as his face met with Sasuke's and was pressed there for a couple of seconds.

"WTF!" Sasuke mumbled against Kiba's snarling mouth.

Both boys then fell to the floor, gasping, swearing and spitting… sand slid away from them and back towards Gaara.

After getting over the shock of what he'd just seen Naruto burst out laughing, "HA! Sasuke kissed Kiba! SASU-GAY!"

"OH GAI SENSEI!" Lee yelled in disgust, turning away."

Ten Ten grinned, "Great, thank you Gaara, now we can finally move on!"

"Oh Sasuke kun!" Sakura cried out worriedly, as Sasuke rubbed his bruised face, "Are you alright?"

"Oh Sasuke kun…" Ino frowned, "…you gave you first kiss to Naruto…your second to Kiba…when do I get some?"

Naruto frowned at the memory and then he pouted as Hinata stared at him sheepishly, wondering what would happen if the kunai pointed to them.

"Hey Sasuke!" Temari yelled, "It's your turn to spin."

"Hn. I'm not playing anymore." He grumbled, standing up to leave.

"Uchiha's are such wimps." Neji said with a grin.

Sasuke glared and then seized the kunai and spun it so violently it shimmied across the grass like a spinning top and then sank itself into Hinata's leg.

"…" She said staring at the weapon in her leg, as blood began running from her skin and out soaking into her clothes.

"SASUKE FUCKING TEME!" Naruto yelled, staring at the stray kunai.

"You…bastard…" Neji growled dashing towards the stunned Uchiha, "How dare you attack my cousin!"

"…" Hinata had been kneeling on her knees, she unfolded them from beneath her and tugged the kunai out, "…Itai…"

Gaara stared at the glimmering shimmering red liquid and he went over to her, pushing past the anxious crowd of her friends gasping and gawking.

"Strawberry…Syrup…" Gaara murmured pushing a fretting, still swearing at Sasuke, Naruto to the side, "Strawberry…"

"Gaara?" Naruto grumbled confused as he leaned over her leg like a zombie, "What are you doing?"

"BASTARD!" Sasuke yelled from somewhere as Neji pounded his chakra point painful finger jutsus into his shoulder, "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

Sasuke swung his leg up and kicked Neji back, but he was like an angry bull and charged again.

He glanced at Hinata, ready to reassure her angry cousin that she was fine, only to see everyone else frozen in shock and Hinata passed out as Gaara kneeled over and sucked on the bloody wound murmuring, "No…not strawberry…must be raspberry…"

When Sasuke turned his back on Neji, foolish thing to do, Neji saw and opening and he grinned and lunged for it. His fingers hit Sasuke's left buttock with a thud and Sasuke's eyes widened as he felt it suddenly shiver and grow numb.

"Neji you bastard!" Sasuke swore, spinning around, clutching his butt cheek that had lost all sense of feeling, making it sag like a small sack of rice, "WTF did you do that for!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura and Ino shrieked in horror, eyes flashing rapidly between Sasuke's taut normal right butt cheek and swinging to gawk at the limp other butt cheek, "(GASP) Sasuke! You're beautiful rear end…Oh (CRY) …It's… disfigured!"

Sasuke glared at Neji, who just stood grinning, "Neji…you _bastard_…do you know how many butt clenching exercises I had to do _everyday_…to get my perfect ass!"

Neji shrugged, "Hn. It'll be like that for a week minimum. Heh…you deserve it Uchiha."

Sasuke dived on Neji and they rolled across the grass panting as they each grabbed a handful of each other's hair. Neji's long hair slipped out of its band and he laughed when he tugged on it, making Neji flinch. Neji seized Sasuke's bangs and yanked on them so hard Sasuke's face cam forwards and smacked against Neji's.

Sakura gasped, "NO!"

Ino almost fainted, "Sasuke's third kiss! NEJI! WHY!"

Sasuke leapt off Neji and spat into the grass in revulsion, and Neji did the same. Hinata had just woken up after Naruto managed to convince Gaara Hinata's blood definitely wasn't syrup.

"N-Naruto kun…" She whispered softly, "What happened?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Uh…nothing…you just go back to sleep."

Hinata nodded and closed her eyes, Naruto cursing with the bundle of bandages he'd tied around Hinata's leg messily, tangling his own arm in it somehow.

"Oh my youthful companions!" Lee said loudly, "I think it is time we called upon our knowledgeable senseis! This has got out of hand."

Sasuke and Neji were rolling around on the floor again and Kiba snorted, becoming bored and he and Akamaru ran through the trees, Akamaru spinning and making his mark on the bottom of each trunk.

Shikamaru suddenly sat up and coughed, "Who peed on me!"

Temari sat up too, Kiba and Akamaru hadn't realised they had gone behind the tree to make out…again.

Chouji was behind another tree, having salvaged all the picnic food when everyone else was too busy playing spin the bottle and fighting. When Akamaru sprayed warm wet doggy pee all over his munchies after marking poor Shikamaru, Chouji gasped and stood up.

"You have soiled the sacred food!" He bellowed, fire in his eyes as Akamaru and Kiba froze in shock.

"You have ruined…destroyed…my muchies!" Chouji yelled, making hand seals and turning into a massive Chouji ball of doom, "BWAH! FEEL THE WRATH OF AN AKIMICHI!"

Shikamaru, Temari, Kiba and Akamaru ran like demented frantic idiots as Chouji's enormous ball body rolled rapidly after them, knocking down trees, random old ladies talking a walk and many bugs.

Shino flinched, counting the seventh bug Chouji had carelessly flattened. He stopped watching the chaos between Neji and Sasuke and spread his personal bugs all over Chouji's face.

"OMG! MY EYES!" Chouji screeched, scrunching up his face.

The ground shook as Chouji the giant ball of doom rolled straight into Neji and Sasuke, squishing them horrifically into the grass as Chouji carried on rolling straight into a particularly old and stubborn tree with a ker-rack.

Gaara surveyed the scene with a frown. Hinata unconscious…Chouji out cold…Sasuke and Neji sprawled unmoving in the dirt…Shikamaru and Temari making out…Kiba and Akamaru stopping to frantically scratch their fleas…the only ones left for him were…Naruto…Sakura…Ino…Ten Ten…Lee…and Shino…

"Need more strawberry syrup…" He murmured hungrily, his sand snaking its way towards his nearest source…Lee.

Lee yelped and flashed his shiny teeth as he spoke, "Gaara my friend…now is not the time to spar…everyone else is…"

"Syrup…" Gaara chanted quietly the sand reaching Lee's foot, "Must have syrup…"

Lee tried to escape, tugging his leg and waving his arms for Gaara to stop, "Gaara! No! I have no syrup my friend!"

"OMG!" Ino and Sakura cried, "Gaara's a vampire!"

"Syrup…mmm…must have…syrup…"

Naruto sweat dropped and tapped Gaara on the shoulder, "Gaara…I really don't think Lee had any syrup on him."

"Not on him…In him…" Gaara murmured as Lee fell onto his back and felt the sand pulling him across the ground towards Gaara.

"Oh no! Lee LOOK OUT!" Ten Ten cried in panicked anguish and pointing.

Lee turned his head to see what lay in his path and his mouth fell open in absolute fear…as Gaara's sand dragged him closer and closer to a giant pile of steaming turd that Akamaru had accidentally left in the middle of the grass.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Lee yelled clawing at the ground as he was so close to the turd now, he could smell it, "NOOOOO! This jumpsuit was given to me by Gai sensei! He sewed it himself! It took him twelve nights and seventy four hours! NOOOO! Please not the great green spandex!"

Gaara froze as he too caught the whiff of doggy doo doo and he made the sand release Lee's leg. Lee leapt up and hugged himself, savouring the clean touch of his smooth spandex.

Naruto had rummaged through his picnic basket and thankfully found one of his wasabi ramen paste sandwiches and he offered it to Gaara, "Here…if you're so hungry eat this."

Gaara took a bite and tentatively tested the flavour, then he coughed and spat it back out.

"You're trying to poison me…" He grumbled quietly, his sand lurching for Naruto.

"No!" Naruto squealed diving out of reach, "No it's like that!"

"You…will be my syrup…"

Suddenly Shino couched and leaned back against a tree, "Alert…the birds are back…"

Sakura and Ino looked at each other frantically and then dived under a picnic cloth. Ten Ten seized a cloth and pulled it over the unconscious Hinata and herself. Lee ran round in circles, worried about his precious green jumpsuit and Naruto froze in horror.

"Oh no…oh no…no you don't!" He yelled at the sky, "Not again you don't!"

Gaara looked at the sky too…the winds suddenly stopped and the sky grew dark…the rumbling of _Bakabakabakabaka _boomed throughout the forest along with the deafening sound of wings flapping. The birds were dead ahead and they let loose…

"GAAAAAAAAAAH NO!" Naruto shrieked running away and far into the distance, following Kiba and Akamaru and Lee as he murmured to his green clothes that he'd protect them with his life.

Temari swung her fan and made sure the foul rain kept away from her and her lovely little Shikamaru.

White bird plops painted every unconscious uncovered body lying on the floor. Gaara opened his mouth and stuck his tongued out.

As the birds flew away he licked his lips and murmured, "Mmm…whipped cream…must have whipped cream."

Gaara dashed after the birds in a cheery frenzy as the girls crawled out from under the picnic cloths.

Sakura gasped as she caught sight of Sasuke who had been lying face up, now completely covered in white slime. "OMG…Sasuke…"

Neji, Chouji and Sasuke suddenly sat up, dazed and contaminated by birdy plops they went after the birds too, just like Gaara murmuring in monotone, "Hmm…whipped cream…mmm…must have whipped cream…"

**Okay… me thinks this was very weird and scary…who agrees? Raise you hands! (Almost everyone does…)**

**Sorry if it scared you...or scarred you in anyway... (bows in apology)**

**Whoo! Anyway, if you liked it review please and let me know…or I'll unleash my freakishly saggy butt cheeked contaminated Sasuke zombie on you! Heheheheh…**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


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